Thursday 27 August 2009

Is it just me.....

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/8223528.stm

Or is anyone else thinking...PLANT MORE TREES!

Monday 24 August 2009

New things I have done this week:

Visited the city of Edinburgh (I have been to the airport three times in my life, but never visited the city until this week)

Watched a comedy show at the Fringe Festival (several actually)

Been chatted up by a hippy

Performed at the Fringe

Had Nepalese food (yum yum)

Had a Subway sandwich (yuk yuk!)

Received a good reaction from my performance at the Fringe

Drank shots in a heavy-metal bar until 4.30am

Been offered more gigs at the Fringe by the guy who runs the Free Fringe!!!!

Been chatted up by a 12-year-old

Tuesday 11 August 2009

Edinburgh or bust

I am taking my comic ramblings to the Fringe Festival next week. I have six half-hour performances scheduled over four days, and also a couple of possible impromptu readings at a restaurant as part of some mates' gigs, and then any other open mic or poetry nights where I can blag, barge and knuckle-dust my way onto the stage.

Although, I'm not sure about the last bit (not the blagging, barging and kuckle-dusting - I am a journalist after all) but about there being open mic somethings, or other random opportunities. You see, I am, as you might say, a virgin.

This is my first Fringe and I'm not too sure what to expect.

I have wanted for years to go, to wander the streets smoking French cigarettes in the sunshine, swigging on my bottle of warm evian and taking in the sights, sounds and smells of people from all over Europe and the world 'being creative'. (Which is usually the smell of sweat, fear, beer and broken dreams.)

I can't quite believe I'm going to be performing though. I feel like a fraud, like I've managed to slip under the radar. I'll turn up at the Fringe office on the first day to pick up my performance pass and they'll go "Oh yes, EW. We've been waiting for you. We're sorry but there has been a mistake, this is the Fringe, and it's for proper artistic people and skilled, entertaining performers. Never mind, we do hope you haven't travelled far."

And I'll be standing there in my costume (yes, I have a costume) with my evian going cold in my bag and my French cigarettes will tumble slowly to the ground, one by one, turning over in the air before scattering their filthy tobacco on the cracked floor of my dreams.

Thursday 6 August 2009

Put right off my, ahem, coffee.

I hate to be a wimp, but; eeeeewwwwww.

Someone in the Guardian newsroom obviously had a little too much time on their hands today when coming up with this gem of a feature:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/aug/06/peeing-in-shower-rules

A whole page (accessible via a picture and link from the website's FRONT PAGE for goodness sake!) about urinating in the shower; the do's and don'ts.

I don't want to read that when I'm tucking into my morning mocha. Quite frankly, I don't want to read that ever.

I don't give a s**t (no pun intended) what some twit at the Guardian thinks is good shower etiquette, I don't care what anyone thinks is good shower etiquette. I don't want to think about people urinating in their showers ever, and it certainly shouldn't be given such prominence on a well-respected news website.

And to think there are eager young trainee journalists out there hungry for a chance to prove themselves and get a coveted byline while the lazy old hacks churn out this sort of twaddle.

Piss off!

Tuesday 4 August 2009

The BIG question....

Answer:

No, you don't have swine flu.