Friday 30 January 2009

Caller waiting

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/7860336.stm


And this is the man we must trust to drag our fragile economy back from the brink of collapse, put nearly two million people back into work, and turn the tide of a British business community in turmoil.

A man who doesn't even know how to use the 'silent' function on his mobile phone.

Be afraid, be very afraid.

Thursday 29 January 2009

I am officially a writer now

I got my first rejection letter today.


Very polite: "it is an amusing idea, unfortunately, after careful consideration, we do not feel it would be suitable for the current direction of our list."


How nice.

I take back what I said about Londoners.

Wednesday 28 January 2009

How to be a literary leper

As anyone who read these sparse news-related musings will know (or anyone who scrolls back through earlier posts for that matter) I am a somewhat comic performer on occasion.


This year, I have decided to get off the stage and see if anyone would be interested in publishing my little offerings. To this end, I am learning - fast - that publishers won't accept any work unless it comes from a literary agent.


So I've been sat at my laptop chain-drinking coffee and researching agents for several days.
And what a surprise. "No Poetry" "No Poetry" "No Poetry" runs the refrain.


I wonder if I should ring them up and explain that calling my comic rhymes 'poetry' is like comparing a Philly rapper to Shakespeare - at completely different ends of the spectrum. My work is funny prose that just happens to rhyme.


But it does make me feel sorry for 'real' poets out there. It's like having a contagious disease, you say the P word and they can't hang up quick enough. Dam Londoners!

Tuesday 27 January 2009

Sofa so good

"A bottle of whisky, which had rolled within reach"

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/somerset/7853328.stm


How convenient.

Anyone think the proximity of the whisky to the site of the accident could have perhaps precipitated his misadventure?

Friday 23 January 2009

The bonny Prince of Scotland

Great poems, but wouldn't it be nice to see the Prince of Wales reciting poetry about Wales????


At least he's got a holiday cottage here. Sigh.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/7846874.stm

Wednesday 21 January 2009

David Cameron fancies Gordon Brown

I know the House of Commons is just a place for a slanging match on par with the schoolyard taunts of 'nah nah na na nah', but David Cameron really seems to take it to a new level when having a go at old Gord.

Especially at the moment when the country is in the very real grip of a very frightening recession which seems to be tightening it's boney fingers day by day around all our purses.

Is it just me or is it time - on a day when unemployment in Briton reached nearly two million - to put aside the petty name calling and actually do something constructive?

People might not like Gordon, but at least he's getting his head down and trying to get on with job.

Or is it a case - Mr Cameron - that the lady doth protest too much?

Tuesday 20 January 2009

Obama stands for hope

When they ask me where I was the day Barack Hussein Obama was sworn in as American President I will - like many in the UK given that the time difference made it around 4pm in the afternoon - say I was in work.

Now this is not the most memorable of places to be, I think, as I watch him stumble through the oath; to be in work, how boring. I sit and wish I could be somewhere more memorable and glamorous for such a memorable and glamorous occasion.

Then I think about the credit crunch, and recession, and think how lucky I am to be in work at such a time. I think of all those who have been made redundant, I think of all those who cannot find work.

Americans have an annoying habit of hyping things up - can you ever imagine Gordon Brown being sworn in as Prime Minister outside Westminster admits such pomp and ceremony as adorned Capital Hill today?

But when you look beyond all the hype there is the feeling that something very real happened today. The air smells a little freer now - maybe. There is a little more hope in the world now - maybe.

Obama stands for hope, well I have hopes too. I hope he can deliver his promises, I hope he can fulfil his pledges. But more than this, for the first time in a long time, I have hope that the most powerful man in the world will make some real changes.

Wednesday 7 January 2009

Goodbye Woolworths

In the wake of the closure this week of the last remaining Woolworths shops there has been an upsurge of comment pieces and articles in the media bemoaning a "world without Woolies" and asking if Britain will ever be the same without the (nearly) 100-year-old high street favourite.

It's just lazy writing from lazy journalists trying to get on the Woolies bandwagon (and I can say that without the slightest hint of irony because, well, because this is my blog).


And while I am saddened at this latest high-profile totem victim of the credit crunch, and despair even more at the loss of so many jobs, I can't quite understand the thinking behind all of these Woolies 'obituaries'.


If the shop was that dam good in the first place we would all still shop there and it wouldn't be closing.