Tuesday 31 March 2009

Maybe there's something to this comic performance stuff....?

And no, that's not supposed to be an attempt at an ironic joke within a statement about comic performing to be all Will Self and clever.

I have another gig this week, which makes it three gigs I've picked up in nearly as many weeks. This might not sound that impressive, but when you consider I'm not actively seeking out gigs this year it's puzzling to think I have been sought out and offered these performance opportunities.

It makes me wonder if maybe the publishing route I was so keen to follow this year is perhaps a bit premature and I should continue to perform as much as my budget, spare time and opportunity allows.

Then I take a sobering mouthful of coffee, drag my head down from the clouds and realise that I'm not getting paid for any of these gigs and that while I'm still doing it for free there will be plenty of people willing to give me some time behind a mic.

If I was charging and still getting work, well that would be another story.....something to consider......hmmmmmm

Monday 30 March 2009

Get a degree in Twittering.....

Once again I found myself staring in disbelief at my computer screen as I sipped my morning coffee and read about a university offering a Masters Degree in what they are calling "social media".


See link below to story on the Guardian's website:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/education/2009/mar/30/social-media-course-twitter


The course - costing £4,000 and offered at Birmingham City University in the UK - will include things like how to start a blog and podcasting, and will cover social networking sites including Twitter.


The guy behind the course (which has been, unbelievably, independently approved as being of Masters standard) insists that such skills would be valuable for anyone wanting to pursue a career in media, public relations or marketing.


This I don't doubt. Working for the regional press myself I know how desperate middle-aged, conservative bosses are to tap into the seemingly unending pot of gold they believe the internet can offer. But as most of these bosses don't even have a mobile phone for personal use they are rushing to hire anyone who appears to have the skills and know-how to get the golden goose to lay her eggs. (This might seem like a strange analogy, but some of the people in power in the presses are so bewildered by the digital age - yes, they still call it that - it might as well be about a goose laying eggs for all they understand of the youtube generation.)


No, I don't disapprove of the course. What really gave my coffee a bitter taste was that this course is being offered as a Masters Degree. A Masters Degree? Really people? Offer a vocational course in social media, find some NVQs or set up apprenticeships but do not sully Britain's proud educational heritage by muddying the waters of our prestigious MA with lessons about facebook!

You know you're getting old when.....

* You stay at home Saturday night drinking coffee (with no whiskey in it) and playing Monopoly with your partner.


* You spend the weekend sorting out the junk in your spare room into three piles (trash, charity, ebay) - and enjoy it.


* You wonder if it's not time to treat yourself to a pair of new slippers as your old ones aren't as comfy as they used to be.


* You relish the early shifts you are on this week as it will give you more time in the evening to continue the spare room sort out.


* You don't mind writing about these tragic steps into middle-age in your blog.


Sigh.

Tuesday 24 March 2009

Clutching at straws

Last week the BBC news website published a story about how the Wizard of Oz was an economic parable about the great depression in America (The Scarecrow represents the American farmer, the Tinman factory/industrial worker, Wizard of Oz as the president, the Emerald City is green money, exposed as fraud) See link below for full story.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/7933175.stm

What a load of old tosh and lazy journalism! You could do that for practically any film.

Using today's global recession crisis I have come up with some examples:

Matrix - Neo represents the drone worker (you, me, the general population) who has been living in a dream world of a property price boom, consumer as King, plastic spending and lending, only to be finally (and rudely) awakened to the reality that it is all make believe and the banks and global economy are failing machines sucking out our every last penny (using humans as batteries) just to stay alive in a world where there is no sun (hope) for the future.

Jurassic Park - Living in a dream world, global leaders (John Hammond ) use dodgy techniques (stock market traders, speculative trading, money for nothing etc) to generate impressive profits and businesses (the dinos). But soon the enormous profits become hard to sustain (the dinos go nuts) and it is only through the common man (Dr Alan Grant) using some common sense (like not taking out loans they can't afford, or using their credit card to buy a new tv upgrade every three minutes) to finally defeat the problem.

Go on, give it a go yourself - it's great fun.

Sunday 22 March 2009

The post I didn't want to write

I have been trying to decide all day if I should write this post.

A (really big) goggle-box-hating, reality-tv?-get-a-life part of me wants to leave it out, to just ignore it as I do with all the chav-tastic tv/celeb crazes that are rapidly sucking the life and
imagination out of the general populous.


But another (annoyingly conscientious) part of me has been nagging away all day and has finally convinced the other me that if I want this to be a blog about my take on global news and issues of the moment then I can't get away with not mentioning the death of Jade Goody.
So I have made a huge cup of coffee and here goes....


Firstly, it is always sad to hear that a 27-year-old mother-of-two has passed away before her time. Especially of such a horrendous disease which is responsible for so many tragic and untimely deaths.


Secondly, on the whole "media limelight/do we really care/she's not the first person to ever die of cancer/but she was 'the working class people's 'people's princess'" debate the tabloids have positively marinaded in since she was diagnosed (live on Indian Big Brother) I have this to say:


I was never a fan of Jade Goody. Not because I have/had anything against the woman personally, but I would rather whittle my eyes into amusing shapes with blunt razors than watch Big Brother, or I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, or The Apprentice, or.....etc.

Jade took part in several tv shows during her life, and launched perfumes and wrote books and made her million(s?) because the appetite was there for it. (Whether that appetite came from the media or the public is a debate I'm not getting into here).


So if you are on that "we don't care, who the hell is she anyway" bandwagon, then simply don't watch it, don't click on the links on news websites which show timelines of her reality tv career, pictures of her when she first went into the big brother house in 2002 looking all "piggy" (media words of the day, not mine), tributes from celebrities, memorial groups on facebook etc.


I can't decide that in years to come if her life will become (if it isn't already) a cautionary tale of media frenzy and reality versus real life that media studies students might write essays on: Who exploited who? Who made the most money? Who cared? Who put her there? Discuss.

Or an inspirational tale about one uneducated working class woman's fight to go down in history.


And really, as I finish my coffee, I'm not sure if I care. Time will tell. Or, given the relentless appetite of tabloid journalism, which can make or break a star in five minutes, maybe by the time you read this there will already be something else on telly.

Tuesday 17 March 2009

Just when you stop looking....

It's always the way that as soon as you stop looking for something (eg love, a job, friendship, your car keys) it finds you!

This has just happened with my comic writing.

For 2009 I have been focussing on trying to get my writing published, as oppose to seeking out opportunities to perform my work.

And now, I have been approached and offered two gigs within five days of each other!

Maybe I should stop writing to literary agents and I might get an offer from one?

Thursday 12 March 2009

Shooting stars

It has emerged today that the teenager behind the tragic and devastating massacre in a German school this week had posted a warning of his intentions in an internet chat room the night before the attacks.


Chat room users who later informed the police after seeing coverage of the shootings, said they had not taken the threats seriously - who would? There is so much on the web these days, a lot that is legitimate, but so, so much that is lies and falsehoods made up by cheats and frauds.


In an age when expectant fathers are updating their Twitter followers on the progress of their wife's labour (this is a TRUE story) is it any wonder 17-year-old Tim Kretschmer's threats weren't taken seriously?


What is sad though, is not that this warning went unheeded, but that Kretschmer was in a situation where the loneliness of the web (no comments please about friends you've made online, at the end of the day you are sat on your own with your computer) was his only outlet, the only place he decided to make a final cry for help.


Sadder still is that a quick search for the details of these grievous events will throw up a multitude of interactive news sites offering stories, comments, interviews, videos, maps, timelines, diaries, political debate and, no-doubt, much discussion in chat rooms across the world wide web.

Monday 9 March 2009

Get real!

In Britain the TV is rubbish, I mean really not worth the hours of work it takes to earn enough money to pay for the electric to get the cathode tube thing warmed up and produce a picture.

We have depressing soaps which are supposed to reflect 'real issues' of drug use, drudgery and dodgy chav (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chav) fashion; then there are mindless game shows eg Deal or no Deal where moronic contestants just have to open boxes to win prizes; or perhaps you would rather melt a few brain cells watching 'reality tv'. I can't think of anything less real than a bunch of wanna be celebrities (or aspiring Z-list celebrities) stuck in one place being filmed all the time and dancing like monkeys for ratings.

And when the TV bosses aren't busy sludging out this drivel for us, we get shows like 'Coleen’s Real Women' and 'Natalie Cassidy’s Real Britain' where famous people go and find 'real' people and talk to them.

Who is it we are supposed to believe is 'real' in these shows? The poor mugs who are duped into being part of a "hard-hitting documentary about the state of the nation"?

Or is it the pathetic famous people who are trying to convince us THEY are 'real' people, in touch with the normality of everyday life and paying bills, and doing a shit job all day to come home to watch crap on the TV?

Switch it off and go for a walk or read a book.